The Purpose Project: Desire, Deserving, and the Dance Between
How a Manifestation Practice Led Me Back to My Purpose (and Myself)
Thank you for reading And Also, a weekly newsletter featuring personal stories and things I've learned to help you navigate life ✨!
I’m gonna come right out and say it: I think manifestation gets a bad rap.
Yes, The Secret made it seem like all we had to do was “think good thoughts” and we’d all be living in mansions. Yes, many modern-day “manifestation gurus” ignore the societal and systemic issues that make it unnecessarily and unfairly much harder for so many to manifest. And yes, much of the manifestation work that’s touted on social media is frivolous and shallow.
But the actual work of manifestation is anything but surface-level.
In fact, I think the value of a manifestation practice is less about getting everything you want — and more about looking at, honoring, and upgrading your sense of self so that your internal reality aligns with the life you say you want.
Manifestation is actually about unlearning the beliefs that keep you small, disconnected, or waiting for permission — and instead choosing to believe you are already worthy, already enough, already allowed to want what you want . . . and certainly allowed to have it.
[Manifestation is] about unlearning the beliefs that keep you small, disconnected, or waiting for permission — and instead choosing to believe you are already worthy, already enough, already allowed to want what you want . . . and certainly allowed to have it.
Easier said than done, of course, but still — that’s the real secret.
Honestly, many of the times when I’ve actually done this sort of deep manifestation work, I’ve realized I don’t even actually want the thing I thought I wanted . . . or, I do, but not as much as I want to know myself more deeply, open up to my desires, and believe I’m deserving (and capable) of having whatever the hell it is that I want.
At its core, manifestation (much like purpose) is about authenticity. The more connected you are to your true self — the one beneath the people-pleasing, perfectionism, or self-doubt — the more clearly you can see what your soul actually desires. And perhaps more importantly, the more you believe you're allowed to have it.
I’ve learned and practiced that view of manifestation most clearly and consistently through the membership platform, To Be Magnetic, founded by
. And I used their work specifically this month as “research” for the Purpose Project, my intentional, yearlong research project to accurately articulate my own life purpose.
What is the Purpose Project?
The Purpose Project is my way of choosing the next direction of my life from a more authentic, aligned space. On a plane back from Paris at the beginning of the year, I had the intuitive hit to spend every other month this year conducting “research” to help me get clear on my life purpose.
And, in the months in between, I’m running “experiments” meant to test my purpose hypotheses; ideally, ending the year with a clearer idea of the unique way I’m designed to make a meaningful contribution — to have a purposeful impact on my individual experience and the greater collective — in this lifetime.
In February, I tested a purpose hypothesis I crafted using insights from my individual charts in meaning-making systems like astrology, Human Design, and numerology. You can read more about the results of those experiments here. ⤵⤵⤵
This month, I’ve used To Be Magnetic’s Authenticity Challenge to reconnect with the most authentic version of myself, and to investigate where and why I’m still holding back from my purpose — perhaps not because I don’t know what it is, but because some part of me still doesn’t feel safe or worthy enough to actually live it.
What is the To Be Magnetic Authenticity Challenge?
But let me back up: What is To Be Magnetic (TBM)?
To Be Magnetic* is a membership platform that offers workshops, challenges, and DIs (Deep Imaginings, which are essentially like guided hypnosis tracks) designed to help you manifest the life you want by reconnecting you to your authentic essence and innate self-worth.
Twice a year, they do group challenges, which are 6-8 weeks of curated DIs and journaling prompts centered around a specific focus. And last winter they ran The Authenticity Challenge, a six-week process designed to help you “get clear on who you really are versus who the world tells you to be–and start manifesting as your true, authentic self.”
I started the Challenge with the rest of the community last November, before falling off track (on purpose and without regret!) during my birthday trip to Paris. I restarted the Challenge in February, and have been gathering “data” as it relates to my authentic purpose ever since.
What did I learn about my Authentic Self?
TBM’s Challenge (and work, generally) isn’t necessarily about finding your purpose, it’s about connecting to your authenticity — but I’ve found that to be almost synonymous with the pursuit of purpose.
You can’t have one without the other!
I found the first three weeks of the challenge — Meet Your Authentic Self & Find Your Magic, Learn What’s In The Way Of Your Authentic Self, and Learn How To Love Your Authentic Self — to be especially helpful as it relates to this project. Through the provided journaling prompts and DIs, I learned (or reaffirmed) a lot of what I know to be true about and important to me and how I operate in the world.
Here’s a shortlist of what I uncovered - my authentic self:
Is grounded, present, and has a calming presence.
Values growth, creativity, ambition, freedom, and ease.
Is devoted to deepening her self-understanding, and helping others do the same.
Is deeply self-reflective and tends to her own physical, emotional, and spiritual care consistently.
Prioritizes her creative process and is committed to getting continuously better at the craft of writing.
Integrates and implements what she learns, knowing that the only way to grow through is to go through the experience.
Guided by TBM’s prompts, I used what I learned about myself — and what I’d like to call into my life — to craft what they call an “Authentic Code”. In TBM parlance: “Your Authentic Code consists of the 4 things you value the most, that feels like the closest representation of your truest authentic self.”
While your Authentic Code can (and will) evolve over time, this is what felt like the truest representation of my authenticity currently:
Soul-Aligned Self-Discovery: This is my guiding compass for exploring who I am at a deeper level, blending spiritual practices, intuitive tools, and purpose-driven guidance to stay true to my highest self.
Literary Life: The heart of my creative identity, this reflects my love for storytelling, the written word, and the art of crafting meaningful narratives — both for myself and others — while immersing myself in the world of books, the literary community, and writing craft.
Abundant Living: A celebration of beauty, comfort, and freedom, this represents my desire for a life filled with richness — in spirit, in my relationships, through my senses, and in my bank account — where I have everything I need to thrive and create with ease.
Intentional Growth: Rooted in curiosity and self improvement, this is my devotion to evolving with purpose, embracing processes, productivity, and personal development that aligns with my long-term visions and highest potential.
And — for as positive as this authentic version of myself sounds — I was also able to uncover the aspects of it that I have a hard time accepting.
As upside down world as it sounds, we all have these!
These are the reasons why we don’t do what we say we want to do, or find it so hard to clarify and pursue our purpose: Because some subconscious part of us has trouble accepting what we really want. Because we have trouble believing that we could be who we authentically are; have everything we truly desire; and still be worthy, accepted, and loved.
These are the reasons why we don’t do what we say we want to do, or find it so hard to clarify and pursue our purpose: Because some subconscious part of us has trouble accepting what we really want. Because we have trouble believing that we could be who we authentically are; have everything we truly desire; and still be worthy, accepted, and loved.
Uncovering those subconscious beliefs is always an enlightening exercise, because it shows where we (!!) are holding ourselves back more than anyone or anything else.
Here were just a few of mine:
Using my intuition and spiritual practices/tools/systems for guidance is wildly unserious.
Even though I deeply value my intuitive gifts and feel genuinely guided by systems like astrology and Human Design, I sometimes doubt whether they’re “legit” enough to be taken seriously. I worry that leading with them will make me seem flaky, ungrounded, or like I’m bypassing more “logical” or accepted forms of knowledge — even though they’ve always brought me back to my truth faster than anything else.
Writing stories is a cute hobby, but not a particularly strong professional value-add.
Part of me still clings to the belief that storytelling is self-indulgent — that unless it’s generating ROI or solving a tangible problem, it’s not “real work.” I sometimes discount the emotional, cultural, and even spiritual value of writing, forgetting that stories are how we make sense of ourselves, each other, and the world. I know it's valuable conceptually, but I don't always trust that my stories are.
Sharing my stories will inevitably lead to judgment and ostracization.
At the same time, sharing my stories feels like exposure. There’s a vulnerability hangover that comes with letting people see the real, raw parts of my experience — especially when those parts are still tender. I worry that I’ll be misunderstood, judged, or that I’ll regret being so open. It’s not that I don’t want to be seen . . . it’s that I’m still learning how to feel safe while it happens.
I don’t “deserve” to have more than enough, especially when others have so little.
There’s a part of me that feels guilty for wanting abundance — like it’s selfish or insensitive in a world with so much inequity. Even though I intellectually know that denying myself doesn’t help anyone else, I still carry a subconscious belief that having more than I need makes me less moral or less compassionate to the suffering of others. It’s a deep unlearning to recognize that overflow can be collective, curative, and generous.
Life is hard, man. Deal with it.
Ease feels suspect. I’ve been conditioned to associate worth with effort — to believe that if something comes easily, I must not be trying hard enough or earning it properly. Letting things be easy sometimes triggers guilt, fear of laziness, or anxiety that I’m missing something. But I’m learning that ease doesn’t mean a lack of depth — more often it means something is actually in alignment for me.
All this growth is “too much”. You are too much.
I’ve always been a seeker — hungry to learn, evolve, understand. But there’s a shadow side to that: the fear that my intensity makes me overwhelming, exhausting, or hard to relate to. (And I’ve been told as such by more than one romantic partner.) Sometimes I tone myself down or stay silent to make others more comfortable, even when what I really want is to go deep.
What Did I Learn About My Purpose?
So, what did TBM’s Authenticity Challenge teach me about my purpose?
A few things:
1. I still struggle to feel “safe” being who I authentically am — which, consciously and unconsciously, holds me back from pursuing my purpose full out. I shrink, play small, or constrict myself to fit in, and then I outsource my safety by looking to someone else to tell me what to do. (And rarely is that someone else pointing me toward my purpose, so much as they’re pointing me to support theirs! Defeats the point of purpose, methinks.)
2. I fall off the path of purpose when I compromise my authenticity — and I do that because I’m trying to get specific needs (acceptance, safety/protection, avoiding failure/rejection) met. Understandable! Part of this journey is both learning and showing myself that the real way to meet those needs is by living authentically and aligning with my true purpose, not by trying to be like everybody else.
3. My purpose should align with my Authentic Code — whatever that may be in a given season of my life. If my purpose aligned with my current AC, that might look like living as a bridge between the inner world of intuition, spirit, and deep self-awareness and the outer world of creative expression, practical abundance, and meaningful contribution. I would be translating the wisdom I gather through self-discovery into powerful narratives — whether written, spoken, or lived — that inspire others to connect more deeply with their truth, elevate their lives, and grow with intention. Ooooh, it's sure starting to sound like purpose! :)
All that being the case, my latest Purpose Hypothesis is:
If I consistently align with my authentic self — honoring my inner wisdom, creative expression, and desire for intentional growth — then I will experience greater inner safety, fulfillment, internal and external richness, and alignment with my life’s purpose. Attempts to outsource my safety or compromise my authenticity in pursuit of outside acceptance will lead to misalignment, stagnation, and/or emotional discomfort, reinforcing that true safety and purpose arise from self-trust and the soul-led living I’m most drawn to.
Purpose Experiments in April
Throughout the next month I’ll be testing that hypothesis in the following ways:
Daily Authentic Expression Experiment
I’ll write or voice record one short, unfiltered piece of self-expression each day (a journal entry, a note to my future self, a “what I really want to say” voice memo), to build the muscle of choosing my voice over what’s expected — and provide daily data on how it feels to be expressed vs. suppressed.
The Authentic Yes / No Experiment
I’ll practice checking in with my intuition before saying yes or no to anything (social invites, projects, obligations, even small decisions like what to eat or watch). This helps me reclaim my internal authority and notice where I might be compromising myself to keep the peace or avoid rejection.
Visibility Without Armor Experiment
I’ll share at least one post per week on LinkedIn that feels vulnerable, personal, or more like me than what I think “professional” is supposed to be to test if I can feel both visible and safe while being my authentic self — and gathering real-time evidence that I don’t need to shrink to belong. (I’ve already started this and you’re welcome to follow along, if you’re not already!)
Self-Sourced Safety Ritual
I’ll create a 10-minute ritual I do daily to regulate my nervous system and affirm my inner safety, rewiring the belief that safety comes from outside myself — and showing my system I can create the safety I seek.
Intuition Over Instruction Experiment
For one decision every week — small or large — I won’t ask anyone else for advice. Instead, I’ll meditate, journal, or pull a card and follow my own inner voice. This will help me notice the difference between following guidance and outsourcing direction, and build my capacity to trust myself.
As I did last time, I’ll share the results of these experiments here at the end of the month (April 30). Wish me luck!
If you had an Authentic Code, what would it be? How does that align with your unique purpose in the world? Hit “Reply” or leave a comment and let me know! I’m genuinely curious 🤓
