And Also! Extras | Vol. 9
Fears about 40, 4 buzzy books that are worth the hype, what to look out for this eclipse season — and so much more!
Thank you for reading And Also, a weekly newsletter featuring personal stories and things I've learned to help you navigate life ✨!
Well, it officially feels like Fall in Portland™ (I’m not as mad about it as I might be if I hadn’t just experienced temperatures in the triple digits down in LA) as I write this — I can see the leaves on the trees outside my living room fading to orange, the sky is overcast and rain is predicted later this evening, Virgo season is almost over!
While I’m always sad to see summer end (I’m a cold-blooded California girl, through and through!), I feel really content with how I spent my time this season: so many beach days, some incredible trips (more on that below), and a lot of time spent creating and sharing my writing and workshops in community. Realizing that my time has been well spent is one of my favorite feelings, and it’s something I’m pondering on a grander scale as I quickly approach my 40th birthday (more on that below, too!).
As our days get a little bit colder (and a little bit grayer here in the Pacific Northwest), I’m considering all of the ways I can continue to be content in the way I spend my time. Right now, I’m taking a new course through Cornell, I’m revisiting my novel and beginning edits, I’m planning for my big birthday trip in December — and mostly, I’m feeling grateful for the privilege to experience it all.
On to this month’s Extras . . .
P.S. As always, this is a long one, so you may need to read it in your browser or click “View entire message” at the bottom to make sure you catch everything!
On Settling
I have been traveling a lot lately.
As you may remember from the last volume of And Also! Extras, I recently took a trip to New York — but before that I was in Birmingham and after that, I traveled to LA for a friend’s baby shower . . . then back to Portland, then had a quick visit from my mom, then traveled back to LA again to surprise a friend for her 40th birthday and visit with a few other friends I missed during my first trip.
It’s been a whirlwind!
As of this last Sunday, I am home for good until my own big 40th birthday trip in December (!!), and I am trying to relish in that stillness — or relative stillness — for just a bit.
I really love traveling and I feel incredibly privileged to be able to do it as often as I do. As I mentioned in my recent post about moving to Portland seven years ago, one of the hardest parts of moving was leaving my family and closest friends behind — so to actually be able to afford trips to see them, to celebrate them, to play with their kiddos and curl up on their couches and have long conversations catching up on life . . . it’s just the best.
At the same time, I feel so settled here in Portland now; so settled in the home I share with Jordan and Hazel. And not settled in the way that used to prickle at my Sagittarius skin; at the part of me that wanted to wriggle away from anything that felt like containment or stasis or like it might hold me back from everything I wanted to do and everything I wanted to be.
No, I feel settled as in my regular life feels like a sigh of relief; it feels like a tight hug, it feels familiar and safe. And I am so grateful for that.
I am grateful for both — the ability to move around time and place and relationships, and the knowing that I always have a soft spot to land back at home.
Laughter & Inspiration
When my mom was in town, we got to see comedians, Taylor Tomlinson and Laura Peek, perform at Helium Comedy Club here in Portland.
Back in February, I heard that Taylor was coming to Portland to workshop some of her new material, and I immediately bought two tickets without even thinking. I’ve seen her specials and followed her on Instagram for years, so I already knew she was hilarious.
But I also just love seeing comedy live — and especially seeing women comics — so I knew I was in no matter what. I assumed Jordan and I would go together, but he made plans to see Dave Matthews Band at The Gorge that weekend and my mom made plans to travel into see me, so she got to be my date.
And we had so much fun! We had Reserved tickets, so we got a table right in the front row (blessedly, Taylor’s crowd work is consensual and tame, so we never got called out); her opener, Laura Peek, was cry-laugh hilarious; and Taylor’s whole set was so smart and funny, I couldn’t believe these were new jokes she was just trying out.
My own fledgling standup comedy set has been on the back burner for awhile, as I work toward completing a few other creative projects, but I’m always so inspired by seeing the creative brilliance of comedians like Taylor and Laura. And, in fact, Laura is performing her own full set at Helium tonight! I was first in the (virtual) line to buy tickets :)
Fears Around 40
There are three months as of TODAY until my 40th birthday. And unsurprisingly, the closer it gets, the more I find myself reflecting on the last decade of my life and what I want to create for myself going forward.
I’ve really been looking forward to turning 40, and at the same time, as it grows nearer, I’m noticing more and more fears pop up around aging, whether or not I’m “behind”, what I’ve missed out on, what I’ll never do again, and so on.
I suppose it makes sense that moving toward such a significant milestone would dust the cobwebs off some latent fears — whether they’re authentically mine or they’re what society tells me I should fear, I’m still figuring out — but I’m grateful for the awareness and tools I’ve garnered with age (!!) to move through them relatively easefully.
Obviously, I’ll share more on this as my birthday gets closer; for now, I feel lucky to just notice what’s coming up for me — the good, the bad, the curious — and to sit with the inevitable changes happening within and around me.
I’ve been on such a good book tear recently. I realize these are all fairly buzzy books, so I am not alone in my recommendations of them — but this is what I’ve been reading and I have to say, the discourse is right! All four of the books below are unputdownable; the kind of book you want to immediately reread (and I might!).
The Wedding People by Alison Espach: So I knew to expect the unexpected with this book, and yet . . . it still completely surprised me — and continued to do so until the final page. Such a funny, tender, thoughtful read! By the title and the cover alone, you might expect a frothy rom-com, but this book has a lot of depth. I read it in the midst of my many travels over the last month, which made the reading experience kind of “choppy” for me, but I still found myself returning to pick up the book in every spare moment because it was so compelling. Also, I shared it with a close friend afterward and she credits it with getting her out of a major reading slump! TW: suicide
Madwoman by
: I was so excited to find this book on the display table at Up Up Books a couple days before its release! As I’ve mentioned in previous And Also! | Extras, I recently read and enjoyed Chelsea’s first two books — Godshot and Heartbroke — mostly in anticipation of this one. And it did not disappoint! I read this book in 24 hours, spending almost the entire Labor Day Holiday sat squarely on my couch, wrapped up in Chelsea’s storytelling. I could not put it down. The story was fascinating, the flashback scenes were visceral, my jaw literally DROPPED at the end of Chapter 25, and my eyes prickled with tears when it was over. Gratefully, it was just Hazel and me at home because I felt like I needed space and time alone to process — to process the depth of relationship between mother and daughter, the ping-pong of who is protecting who, the partnership against the violence (and potential violence) of men, and how moving through that experience together marks the contours of the rest of your life, no matter how you try to escape it. TW: domestic violenceBlue Sisters by Coco Mellors: Did I almost purchase the UK version of this book, so that I could read it even earlier? Of course. After reading and loving Coco’s first book, Cleopatra and Frankenstein, my anticipation for her second was HIGH. This was another choppy reading experience for me, which I think took away a smidge from my overall enjoyment of the book. But! I still loved it. Coco is just so excellent at developing singular, realistic, nuanced characters and I never actually want her books to end. I also got to see her speak at Skylight Books while I was in Los Angeles last week, and she was so goddamn charming and funny and inspiring. She advised the audience to write about the things people have a hard time talking about, talked about the significance of her sobriety and how it sneakily finds a way into all of her writing, and spoke of her own longstanding, driving desire to be an author: “I always knew I was a bestselling novelist; I was just waiting for everyone else to find out.” Relatable! If you have sisters or siblings or have simply considered your role in a family and how it is in opposition to your role in the rest of the world — Blue Sisters is for you.
Big Fan by Alexandra Romanoff: This sweet novella was just released by 831 Stories, a new “modern romantic fiction company”, and it was such a joy to read! It’s a romance, of course — between a high-powered, but recently scandalized political strategist and the now all-grown-up boy band member she grew up adoring — and it is fast-paced, sweet, smart, and sexy. I finished it in a single day (not very hard to do, as it’s only 176 pages) with the biggest smile on my face.
My besties over at The 100-Day Project are hosting a mini, 21-Day Fall Project! It started yesterday, but as with their annual 100-Day Project, you can join at any time. I’m using this time to kickstart edits to the novel I wrote last year!
Yesterday was National Voter Registration Day, and I recently read this in the book, Democracy in Retrograde by Emily Amick and Sami Sage: ". . . the actions that strengthen our democracy are the same ones that will heal the loneliness and hopelessness many of us feel." That deeply resonated with me and reminded me that, as Emily and Sami write, civic engagement is a form of self-care — "an assertion of one's values and self-respect". I feel very privileged to get to exercise my right to vote (proudly for the Harris-Walz ticket!), and to care for myself and the larger community of our nation in doing so! Are you registered to vote?
Yesterday kicked off a new eclipse season — and in particular, the first in a series of eclipses on the Virgo/Pisces axis. Eclipses instigate major (necessary) changes in our lives, individually and collectively, and though it can sometimes feel destabilizing, they are always working to set us on the right path. Learn more from the Astrotwins about this eclipse series and what it means for you.
On reevaluating your career at midlife and being “forced” to find clarity.
Anne Helen Petersen always gets it right: “White Celebrity and Rituals of Civility”. Well, actually, I guess one of the tenets of this post is that she doesn’t — no one does — but that doesn’t mean avoiding “the work even when it’s hard, or complicated, or discomforting”. Anyway, loved her insights on Taylor Swift, Brittany Mahomes, Kate Middleton, and her newsletter, Culture Study, in her latest.
“It felt luxurious to spend this time on my healing. It was easier to reshare memes about self-love than actually do it.” - Jenna Wortham on recovery and community
An important reminder for me this week (you too?): “You are not responsible for the idea of you that exists in someone else’s mind.” - @modernmind__
Are you all caught up on my previously-curated good reads and life haps? ⬇️
As per usual we are circling the same books. I loveeee Taylor Tomlinson. So awesome you got that up close and personal experience. Can’t wait to hear more about your 40th and what’s to come. I feel so excited for you. ❤️