And Also! Extras | Vol. 7
Overcoming "cringe mountain", a morbid (but effective!) North Star, seven (!!) new book recs for your TBR pile — and so much more!
Thank you for reading And Also, a weekly newsletter featuring personal stories and things I've learned to help you navigate life ✨!
I’m gonna be honest with you and share that — while I genuinely love everything I write for And Also — there is something about crafting these And Also! Extras letters that really makes them my favorite.
I think it’s that I really, really enjoy getting to look back at my month — at the things I’ve learned, the books and articles I’ve read, the experiences I’ve had — and share it all with you in a way that I hope is entertaining and inspiring.
And it has been a very full month around these parts (the reading recommendations list alone should make that pretty obvious 🫠), and I can’t wait to once again share some of my favorite parts of it with you.
On that note, let’s get into it!
P.S. As always, this is a long one, so you may need to read it in your browser or click “View entire message” at the bottom to make sure you catch everything!
Climbing Cringe Mountain
Have you heard the term “cringe mountain”? I was introduced to it recently in an online course I’m taking on leveling up my presence on LinkedIn.
Even reading that last sentence felt a little cringe-y, right? How earnest, how dorky! I know — I feel it too! The thing is, that doesn’t make it any less authentic to me.
I like expressing myself. I like writing down my thoughts and experiences and sharing them with other people (hi, hello, welcome to my newsletter); I like offering up what I’ve learned in the hopes that it will help someone else sidestep an issue or answer a question. And the more I work through my own aversion to attracting attention, to being earnest, to sharing widely, to being cringe-y, I truly believe the more people I can connect with and help!
So back to the idea of “cringe mountain” — essentially if you can get past the uphill climb of “cringe attacks” and firsthand embarrassment that people will, gasp, perceive you when you share online (and potentially be naysaying at the bottom of the mountain), you can reach the top and pass over into the “land of cool”. The “land of cool”, of course, just being a state of mind that is rooted in service, sharing, and validating your own self-worth.
I’m working hard lately to process and let go of my fear of being seen and attracting attention to myself, because I know it will be so worth it to show up and share completely as myself and to connect with people who can learn or feel inspired or be entertained by what I have to say. I’m still climbing up cringe mountain, but feel certain it’ll be so worth it once I get to the other side.
P.S. I wrote the following poem on day 95 of my most recent 100-Day Challenge, and it feels like the perfect affirmation for summiting cringe mountain!
Give Them Their Flowers
Last week, I got a response to this newsletter from Sara S., sharing how much she loved it and that she’d shared it with a few friends. I later posted her messages on Instagram, and noted how much it meant to me to receive them.
Much like most artwork, businesses, relationships, there is a lot of intention and thoughtfulness that goes into And Also every week, because it means a lot to me to be able to create and share my words with you. To have that reflected back to me and recognized with encouraging words makes all the hours of thinking, writing, curating, crafting not just worth it — it helps me see how all of that effort is not done in a vacuum; how it is all directly connected to every single person that reads here.
So obviously, I was glowing after I heard from Sara — and glowing after I heard from a few more people who saw my Instagram story and shared their kind reflections too — but beyond that, I was reminded of how important (and how easy) it is to tell people when we love what they’ve created. How significant and special it can be just to tell someone that you love their outfit or their Instagram post or the way they parent.
We have so many opportunities every day to give people their flowers while they’re here — to honor and acknowledge the myriad ways they show up creatively and thoughtfully and in ways that bring value to our lives. Remembering how good it felt to receive that also reminded me of how important it is to give it back as often as I can.
A Morbid (But Effective) North Star
Of course, in a world that feels like it’s perpetually crumbling, death and feelings of grief are sadly not uncommon occurrences — but this past weekend, there were a few losses that hit me particularly hard. Not because these were people that I knew well, but because these were people who seemed like they still had so much life ahead of them.
I get hit by this remembrance, every couple months or so, that I have no idea when my time will be up — and I wonder: will I be happy with how I used the time I had? In many ways, yes — gratefully, I’ve experienced so much of what makes life good and rich. At the same time, there is so much still I want to do and have and be, and so often I feel like I put these things off into the future — when I have more time, when I make more money, when I know just a little bit more — as if there’s a guarantee I’ll ever even get there.
Like many, it makes me uncomfortable to dwell on my own mortality (or the mortality of the people I love), but it’s the one thing we know for sure, right? That, one day, the clock will be up for us. And, as much as possible, I want to intentionally fill whatever time I have left with writing, with my people, in situations that challenge the limits I place on myself, in spaces that stretch my perception of what’s possible.
If I died tomorrow, what would I wish I’d done today? It’s a big question — and perhaps with answers that are not realistically achievable every single day — but it’s still worth asking. And I think it’s still worth letting that insight guide my life, however much of it I have left.
I read a lot of books in the last month! And I kinda loved them all? So Volume 7’s rec list is a long one. I hope you find one (or more!) that enthralls you like they each did me!
Bird Milk and Mosquito Bones, Priyanka Mattoo: God, I love a collection of personal essays. Truly I don’t know if there’s a literary form I love more — and you can just go ahead and add Priyanka Mattoo’s debut to the list of collections I’ll return to again and again. The essays are rooted in the displacement of Priyanka’s family from their home in Kashmir in her early life, and how that disconnection from her roots has affected her sense of place and home in the years since. While the central theme of the story is heavy, Priyanka’s essays range from somber and contemplative to funny and wise. I could picture her personality and her experiences so vividly, thanks to her wry and self-reflective prose. Also, apropos of nothing, the cover of the book is just really beautiful? I loved it.
This American Ex-Wife, Lyz Lenz: This one is a firecracker of a book! I cannot tell you the number of times I said “Oh shit” aloud while I read it. Be forewarned: Marriage (as a concept and a practice) gets put through the ringer in this book. But while I’ve seen a lot of reviews claim that Lyz clearly hates marriage, I didn’t really see it that way — instead, while reading this, I got the sense that she is asking us to approach the custom with more understanding, with more intention, with greater awareness for what it costs women in heterosexual partnerships in particular, and with greater connection to our own “why” for getting married in the first place. And I will say — she makes a great case for why not to get married too! I would’ve loved to read this book when I was going through a divorce, but I’m grateful to have read it now.
The Myth of Making It: A Workplace Reckoning, Samhita Mukhopadhyay: Okay, I’ve referenced this book in a couple different And Also letters now, so I won’t harp on it much longer here, but this is such a great, thoughtful read on what women’s ambition in the traditional structures of work has both looked like and cost us over the years. As I’ve noted before, Samhita’s book isn’t asking us not to be ambitious, so much as it’s asking us (much like Lyz’s book!) to pay attention to the things we’re doing just because we’ve been told that we should. If you’re interested in this topic, may I also recommend reading my recent thoughts (see below) on how I’m recalibrating my own ambition after reading Samhita’s book?
You’re Safe Here, Leslie Stephens: I first learned of
’ work through her Substack, (one of my favorite weekly reads!), and was so excited and inspired to see that she had a debut novel on the way! Her first book, You’re Safe Here, was released last month and it is so, so good. It’s a scifi-esque thriller set in the year 2060, and it follows the lives of three women — an enigmatic and wildly successful wellness company founder, one of her employees, and that employee’s partner — as they navigate how wellness technologies can hurt us as much as they claim to help. I’m not usually a reader of sci-fi — and I don’t know if I’m now a genre fan or just a fan of Leslie’s writing, but I thought this book was phenomenal. It was interesting and surprising and terrifyingly prescient. The three main characters were flawed, but frustratingly relatable. And the evolving storyline was so well-paced and engaging. I’ll be thinking about this book, its themes, and the consequences of wellness, technology, climate change explored therein for a long, long time!One-Star Romance, Laura Hankin: I haven’t read a tried-and-true romance book in awhile, and One-Star Romance was the perfect book to get me back in the game! I’d seen a lot of buzz about this book and how it was different from a lot of romances, in that it spanned the course of several years, one of the prominent relationships featured is a friendship, and the main characters don’t actually . . . well, you know what? I’m not going to spoil it ;) I’ll just say that I thought this book was so well-written, I really enjoyed the characters and found them to be very realistic, and I loved how it ended!
Love is a Burning Thing, Nina St. Pierre: Nina’s book is a beautiful memoir about life with her mother — a magnetic, erratic, and unpredictable character who self-immolated years before Nina was born and continues to have a storied and tragic history with fire (and spirituality) in the years after. Nina combines her personal narrative with a lot of history and reflection on her own research as she tries to make sense of her mother and their life together after her mother’s death. The result is this book, which is such a curious and compassionate exploration of not just her mother, but mental health and the ways that we all try to find meaning however we can in this world.
HONORARY MENTION: Long Island Compromise by Taffy Brodessor-Akner: This one gets an honorary mention, because I just finished it on Monday, so I’m still processing it and articulating my thoughts, but here’s what I texted my friend immediately upon finishing:
May I introduce you to the love of my life? (And also, arguably the best account on Instagram.)
- of released an aptly-timed new book last week called, Democracy in Retrograde. I’ve only just started it (though have no doubt it will be a future And Also! Extras book rec), but I loved listening to Emily on the Bad On Paper Podcast, where she shares how to get engaged in your community and how to have conversations about social issues, amongst other useful topics!
Hannah Berner’s new Netflix special was so funny! And this was a great article on her winding and unconventional road to fame.
“ I wanted to understand why I am the way I am.” Loved this piece from my friend,
: Why I’m Happy I Was Diagnosed with Autism at 46.THIS reminder from Liz Moody, during beach season and always.
I’ve never been a big Lena Dunham fan (not not a fan, just generally indifferent), but I really enjoyed this interview with her in The New Yorker. She seems thoughtful, grounded, and creatively fulfilled in such a mature way (I guess compared to her character in Girls, but still!).
Our next And Also Workshop is coming up in two weeks, and I want to know what you’d like to learn most:
Tap your pick to let me know!
Are you all caught up on my previously-curated good reads and life haps? ⬇️
I listened to that BoP episode too and was instantly intrigued by her book pitch!
Also very much relate to “cringe mountain”—I’m still trying to get up the courage to share my Substack on my IG. 🙈
Thank you for the kind mention and the books recs! I'm going to get Taffy's book today.